Consumed by Blue and Orange
Slowly ascending the arched bridge expecting the same old, my eyes surprised. Like a gate, they opened and allowed the healing to enter from the dark blue waves lapping beneath and the warm orange sun on its throne above. Hope was born in that moment. Your warmth embraced my nervousness. Dancing like perfect partners the complement was eye striking~ One robust in warmth expanding and matching its blue foundation~ Each holding its own yet stacked layers ministered to me~ War
Empty Nesting Solo - Boot Camp Begins
The day came and I couldn't stop it. My first day without seeing my son come home for real. Knowing he started his new life and nothing will be the same again. It was always coming. I'm glad he's happy, that makes me happy. I'm proud of him for chasing another dream. He's doing something he will always be proud of that will bring many future provisions for him. But it still hurts like H-E-double-hockey-sticks! Gen Xer's will know what that means. Before he left, I told him I
1 Day to Empty Nesting Solo
Unimaginable depths of sorrow are flooding me. I don't remember ever crying this hard. Every breath I cough, gag, or fight for air. I walk around my house and there's his X-box controller in his chair, a guitar he wrote a song with this morning, leftovers in the fridge that were left untouched. I'm sorry I don't think I can write anymore today. I need to try to understand my life without him again. It's too much. If you're a single parent going through this, I'm so sorry. I k
2 Days to Empty Nesting Solo
Yesterday as I followed a drive-thru coffee line that wound around the building I saw a mom walking alongside her little girl. The little one was probably not even 5-years-old yet and mom was acting like a buffer between the drop off of the sidewalk and her daughter. The picture grabbed me as encapsulating good parenting. Like a guardrail, she was there if her daughter needed her yet giving her the space to walk on her own and learn the boundaries. That protective nature does
3 Days to Empty Nesting Solo
Last night was rough. I woke up at 1:27 a.m. with my son pacing in the loft with only his phone light on. "Are you okay? "It's okay mom," he barked. "Nate, you sure?" I asked a few minutes later. "I'm fine." He sounded angry which concerned me. What made him that angry in the middle of the night? I was so tired, I chose to believe him and fell back asleep and woke again with him sounding like he was going to hurl. He was sick! So many thoughts flooded my brain. Oh no, our one
4 Days to Empty Nesting Solo
My dog Shelby always bolts when I cry. I was shocked last night when I had my first shoulder shaking, tear spurting meltdown and she stayed pressed into my side. It was like she knew I needed her. My son came upstairs and heard me which was a disappointment. I'm supposed to be strong for him. I'm not supposed to fall apart. Didn't I get the memo? The distress kept me awake. I didn't even toss and turn because I knew fighting anxiety was a pointless endeavor. I tried to watch
5 Days to Empty Nesting Solo
I only saw my son for a few minutes yesterday but the interaction was priceless. "I know what you're doing," I teased while brushing my teeth. "You do? What am I doing?" "I know." "What do you know?" He asked with his head tilted and a blank look on his face. "This," I held out the toothpaste smiling. I had kept finding his toothpaste in my bathroom vanity drawer and would relocate it back to his drawer. The next morning it would reappear in mine bringing a smile to my face.
6 Days to Empty Nesting Solo
Today started out differently than yesterday. I leveled up from numb panic to neurotic panic when I received some distressing news from a lifelong friend. Last night I learned they were stranded in the Middle East with drone and missile strikes firing off near their hotel. Hearing their efforts to get out made my son's departure to boot camp 3-dimensional. Not only is he going in, he's going in during the tumultuous Operation Epic Fury . The reality made my stomach spin to th
7 Days to Empty Nesting - My Son Leaves for Boot Camp
Until it happens, you can't possibly know how you'll feel when you face an empty nest. Admittedly, my son and I had lived separately for over a year until he moved back in October to spend his final days before boot camp at home. It's been wonderful to have him here. Our relationship had been volatile after I moved back to Florida without him so I was thrilled when he told me his plans. I quickly moved furniture, added temporary storage, and prepared my home for his return. I
Gray Haired Goddess
A hush fell over the room that seemed to shrink following my declaration. I had boldly declared to my upper-level bosses that when I was younger I had a “photographic memory” The silence stunned me. I wasn’t bragging, I was merely stating a truth that had spanned over most of my life. No one had ever doubted it before, it was obvious. What had changed? The reaction forced me to drill down into my recent interactions with people. Weird things had been lining up to tell me s
