What I See Now

I know, I know. I'm not a reliable blogger. Well, to be honest it is my blog and I'm really not good at SEO so to my handful of faithful readers, I'm sorry. I write like an amateur. I only write when I'm inspired. Thankfully I finally experienced that this weekend. I had one of those lightning strikes and I could see into my dark creative season with lighted clarity.

I watched a couple of movies this weekend about writers and creators and how miserable they are if they are not creating. Yeah. That's me. I know you've read how I had a rough year last year. I was dumped by a man I love who supposedly loved me but couldn't find a way to share his life with me. It appeared he was too immersed in himself. His career was his lover. Talk about draining the color out of someone's heart! He did it to mine. Gave me hope and love and snatched them away when they interfered with his little fading kingdom.

Then my son joined the Army. Yuk. In a combat MOS, no less. Then, war broke out. Then my mom was diagnosed with blockages and needed open heart surgery. He left, she went under the knife and the rocky road stole any remaining strength I had. My son had constant complications in boot camp and she had constant complications following the surgery. Oof.

Of all things it was my narrowed eyesight that helped me see. Reading glasses. As soon as I put them on the other day blurred black lines formed into words and I could read. Same with creativity. Because of all the hurt and stress of my last year, I finally saw I've been living in a dark, blurry funk that's smothered my creativity. My creativity is the very thing that makes me feel alive and interested in this long, grueling life. So here I am, winding up my creativity hoping to jolt my life back in motion.