Only for You

Driving through the place we met, my mind had great recall and scrolled precious memories. Like when you bought 12 lunches so you could buy mine. How you fitted me for a hat so I could attend your signing. How you stood beside me as though we were always a couple that was meant to be. People saw that. You didn't realize how you acted around me. It was obvious to everyone but you. Stunningly, they thought better of you for loving me, not worse.

You told me if anyone knew, it would make me look a certain way. Hmmmm, I beg to differ. What is more cliche than someone in your position toying with someone in my position? We were nothing to be ashamed of yet you hid us away most of the duration of "us". Over time, it did get to me. But grace abounded because of love.

You finally started to walk us forward and boom! You blew us up. Just when we were gaining ground. You know, after your first blow up in 2023 I walked on eggshells for years afraid I would say the wrong thing that would trip your trigger. Why? Why were you always ready to believe the worst about me? You bragged about all the people you surrounded yourself with at work, but not me. Why was I always shut outside in the cruel coldness of your indifference while others ruled in your heart? They proved themselves in work, I proved myself in love.

I was the one who told you the truth, I never sucked up because I didn't NEED or WANT anything from you like the other "fakes" who surround you and will disappear when your time comes to move on. Will they still be there for you? Maybe at first but they will blow away with the first wind. If you only knew the things they ALL say behind your back. Those "faves" of yours. But that's who you choose to trust.

God sent me to you. He knew I'd be true to you and protect you at every turn, with purity. I only wanted your heart but you didn't deem me worthy. You didn't trust me. You asked me to never yell at you yet you cussed at me. Wow. I must really have been a dismal failure to be treated with such disdain. Swift and decisive rejection. Like a piece of rotting trash that was a stench in your nostrils. I prayed for you. Believed for you. Supported you when it cost me greatly. Never lied to you. Never abused our relationship.

Delicately, I held our love in my heart and fought to keep it from smashing. Apparently, I was the only who understood the value of it. I respected it and waited for you with all diligence while many advised me to walk away. I couldn't, I loved you too much. Now I have no choice and I will walk away knowing my heart is clear. Will you? If so, then you were never for me.