6 Days to Empty Nesting Solo

Today started out differently than yesterday. I leveled up from numb panic to neurotic panic when I received some distressing news from a lifelong friend. Last night I learned they were stranded in the Middle East with drone and missile strikes firing off near their hotel. Hearing their efforts to get out made my son's departure to boot camp 3-dimensional.

Not only is he going in, he's going in during the tumultuous Operation Epic Fury. The reality made my stomach spin to the point I thought I would puke. As I called the State Department over and over to help my friend find an exit out of their besieged location, I felt light similar to how an out of body experience is described. Maybe I couldn't handle it all and checked out emotionally.

Not sure. But much like yesterday I started to consider my life without my son. A picture of his dirty shoes flashed in my mind. I picked them up last night because they were blocking my path. An insole was hanging out like a tongue and the shoes in general looked like they were coming apart at the seams. I snagged them to quickly tuck them out of sight.

Yet as soon as I hooked my fingers in them my soul ached. Would that be the last time I moved his shoes out of my way? Ugh. That hurt. Like any strong Gen X'er, I stuffed the empty feeling and headed upstairs.

As soon as I reached the loft, I was surrounded with his guitars, clothes, and a bed. Then I walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth and his electric toothbrush was plugged into the wall. The double vanity was lined on one side with all of his things. As I took it all in a random grief-driven thought blindsided me. Should I box up his bathroom toiletries after he leaves? Should I disassemble his temporary storage and box up his clothes? Do I execute a clean sweep of everything of his and tuck it away?

Again, the grief gut punched me. I hate this. I hate my own thoughts. My mind must be trying to protect my heart by suggesting decisive action to erase his touches around my house. Any visual prompts that would make me miss him even more. This is getting ugly!

Our day trip to Apalachicola, FL for my birthday.