5 Days to Empty Nesting Solo

I only saw my son for a few minutes yesterday but the interaction was priceless.

"I know what you're doing," I teased while brushing my teeth.

"You do? What am I doing?"

"I know."

"What do you know?" He asked with his head tilted and a blank look on his face.

"This," I held out the toothpaste smiling.

I had kept finding his toothpaste in my bathroom vanity drawer and would relocate it back to his drawer. The next morning it would reappear in mine bringing a smile to my face. I thought we were ping ponging the paste back and forth in a friendly game.

Come to find out, he was simply using his toothpaste and putting it wherever he wanted to when he finished. Which was usually in my makeup drawer. Not sure how he missed that! Most men would avoid a "girly" drawer. We had a little laugh over it and as he walked away to go to bed I thought about how in a few days I'll wish I had him here to go back and forth with over toothpaste. Sigh. It's the little things.

This morning I went into work with that sadness lingering over me. I tried to get as busy as possible to avoid emotion but it wouldn't go away. After a couple of hours passed, I had a few laughs with co-workers and knew I would survive somehow. Then I met him and some friends for lunch.

My friend is a retired Marine so he asked them question after question to get past his nervousness. Problem was, I studied him and knew he was anxious which made me anxious. When I walked away my anxiety spiked and I wanted to meltdown. My mind drifted to my boyfriend dumping me in October. I've been prolonging that cry to be present with my son.

Compounded sorrow tickled my nose. As if my grief needed someone to hold hands with and looked for other things to be sad about. I felt a little picked on as I sat at my desk with my head in the computer. I absolutely dread next week. Yuk.